Speaking truths or bullying other mothers?

There is this new online phenom where women have access to a keyboard and they instantly ASSume that there is a cloak of anonymity that clouds them over prior to typing.  I have belonged to online communities, blogged, and moderated spaces with other mothers since 1999, and no matter where I have been there is always someone who has a different way of communicating.  Some women are downright evil with their tactics as is - you throw the cloak and the assumption that they are safe to say what is on their mind, and you get a variety of speak coming.

In birth, women often turn to the internet to look for momformation.  I won't call it information, I will call it momformation.  They want the experiences of other mothers - somehow, it's easier to identify with a woman than it is a website sponsored by Nestle.  We can all go to babycenter.com (that is my momformation-style community), and interact with others about birth discourse.  It turns into a mishmash of topic-of-the moment style discussion and can be very rapid-fire in response style.  The nice thing can be, if you need a speedy response to a very pressing question, the internet is there.  You have to have a filter, of course.  Without a social filter in realizing that people have varying opinions and a variety of life experiences, you can get very caught up in the "drama" of the moment.  I admit to following drama and reading along to see what sort of reasoning people use.  Dissecting social discourse is something I rather enjoy - maybe I should have been a sociologist or anthropologist - it's all quite interesting to me.  Not to mention, the entertainment value that comes with reading. Truly painful and sad moments are not enjoyable to me, sometimes I read to commiserate or learn about how to support others in their own experiences.

Something that happens frequently is the flame war.  Hot button issues are presented, usually with a disclaimer, and it unleashes a mad fury or supportive wave or laughter, or the innocent response.  Sometimes an intelligent response will come (I love the intelligent responses on PhD in Parenting - she is my favorite blogger in her delivery method of information).  I've also experienced being part of a conversation or a post that is rooted in a hot button issue (ie. breastfeeding and formula feeding) and turns into a bevvy of responses in which women relate their personal experience to their stance in either direction, with little reference to the original point of the article.  Many of my own family and friends have weighed into the subject with their own feelings about how their experience went, why they were unable to breastfeed and why lactivism (in particular) is inflammatory and offensive to them.

Lately, the other prominent theme has been the eco-conscious way to parent.  Whether or not it is rooted in true care for the environment or in attachment parenting, it comes across as either working against the alphaghetti establishment or working for the anti-feminist establishment.  As I am a babywearing educator, I see much of this sort of conversation in the world of crotch-danglers (referring to a harness-style carrier) and wearing snobbery.  Whether or not you know anything about wearing a baby or what it means to be attached to your child in the literal sense - most of us would agree that we all have our best foot forward when we bring children to the world.  We are educated with our wallets as much as we are our ability to read, ask our friends, and socialize ourselves to see how other people survive their days.  What we are not doing is spending those moments writing or advocating for the environment.  I don't see many mothers in my peer group sitting down to write letters to companies to make better products - we are speaking our minds with our ability to shop our way and consume our way as expression of interest.  Some of us would rather point out that a mother should ditch her stroller and buy a carrier in a random facebook comment than we would write a stroller company to ask about hypoxia, off-gassing of their fabric choices, and about how containers could affect their newborn spinal development and interfere with attachment.

The keyboard is an amazing cloak - I lament about this phenom yet take part in the bullying in the same breath.  I personally find it harder to tap someone on the shoulder and comment about how their online presence isn't effective for whatever reason.  I recognize that confrontation is a weakness, and I recognize why.  My goal is to take the higher road - to continue to advocate, continue to rage, continue to make connections with decision makers and continue to read feverishly into the day and night into what is happening in the world.  I want to keep commentary going, and to ride this new wave of learning to communicate.  Even though my cloak is on as I type this, my true intent with my time is to enact some kind of change in my world and myself.